Briefs

By Tom Noble

6116 N. Central Expressway, Suite 922, LB 72

Dallas, Texas 75206

214-692-1888; fax: 692-8577

tnoble28@hotmail.com; www.tnoble.com

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

The Wisdom of Financial Planning

Wisdom boils complex problems down to essentials, making life simpler and more manageable. As a mediator, I constantly remind people who fight about money that money is symbolic. Those metal coins, green pieces of paper, and monthly statements have no intrinsic value. They represent something. To some of us they represent power; to others, security. I enjoy investigating life at these more abstract levels rather than wading in the weeds of why one appraisal of someone's used furniture is superior to another. So, sue me! And that may be why I like George Kinder.

Kinder is a sage of financial planning. He has boiled money's myriad mysteries down to 3 questions, which may not address all of your issues but which will certainly jump-start your financial acumen. Wrestle with these (if you have the courage):

Question 1 : Imagine that you have enough money to take care of your needs, now and in the future. How would you change your life? Would you change anything?

Question 2 : Imagine that your doctor says you have only five to ten years to life. You won't feel sick, but you'll never know when death will come. What will you do? Will you change your life? How?

Question 3 : Now imagine that your doctor says that you only have one day left to live. Ask yourself: What did I miss? What did I not get to be or do?

That's actually 7 questions, but you get the point.

Improving Family Law Mediation - Part Three

Let's review. In my last two newsletters, I made 6 suggestions for improving family law mediation:

1. Knowing when to mediate.

2. Using Agreed Orders to Mediate.

3. Better preparation by attorneys.

4. Better preparation by the mediator.

5. Mediators should mediate, not arbitrate.

6. More flexible formats.

Continuing, if you please:

7. Better Time Management : When I appear as an advocate at a mediation, nothing irritates me more than the mediator who falls into a black hole. He leaves to discuss the case with the other side. An hour later, I'm looking at my watch. Two hours later, I'm exploring new software on my laptop. Three hours later, I'm speaking in guttural tones to the receptionist who is either covering for the truant mediator or has no more of a clue of where she is than I do. Four hours later, I am out on the sidewalk in front of the mediation venue begging for drugs. I have gotten so put out with disappearing mediators that I have bolted mediations, leaving only a handwritten note, intentionally cryptic about my whereabouts or future plans. If a mediator is going to be longer than an hour with the other side, s/he needs to, at least, check back. Preferably, however, she should not spend an inordinate time with either side. Doing so is poor time management and managing time is a skill every mediator must master.

In my estimation, time management is what sets the really good family law mediators apart from the rest of the pack. If the parties expect the mediator to settle the case during the typical one-day format, and it's do-able, a good mediator will push things along, not spending too much time with either party, understanding that it usually takes at least an hour to do a reasonably competent job of papering the deal and the later you work the more risk there is that someone will get grouchy and blow a wise agreement. Good mediators spend do not spend too much time in caucuses, and they think ahead to the end game.

Neutral turf : There is a trend of itinerant mediators who do not have their own office space and who conduct their mediations in the office of one of the lawyers involved in the litigation. It is fundamental that mediation needs to be on neutral turf. In some cases, it will not matter; but, in some it will, and the mediator will not be able to predict before the mediation whether the venue will affect the outcome. Controlling the mediation environment, as much as anything can be controlled, gives the mediator an advantage. Think about it: one mediator wants to help people make peace so she prepares a calm environment as conducive as possible to good communication; another mediator wants to help people make peace and she conducts the mediation within a camp of one of the warring parties. Psychologically, what are you telling your opponent when you come to make peace on his turf? All of this stuff about turf can sound a bit primitive, but, in close cases, the mediation venue is important. I sympathize with mediators who don't want to pay for the costs of real estate dedicated to a mediation practice, especially given the number of cancellations involved, but, if you want to avoid that, you need to find another way to provide a safe neutral place for the mediation. Many law firms, executive suites, office buildings, hotels, and other facilities will rent space on a per diem basis.